One

And now that I reach the end of the line,

I think,

that I’ve spoken what I have to say,

I think,

that I’ve seen so much today,

I think,

that I’ve pleaded loud enough as I pray,

For now,

I’m willing to surrender now.

I lay my arms,

my heart,

my eyes are damp,

I’m whole upon wreckage,

not a glass half empty,

instead,

a glass half full.

Said that the trouble with hello is goodbye,

and I never thought of how beautiful the days that passes us by —

until I went back to the time where I chose to embrace the fears,

the darkness that lurks inside me,

the agony,

I’m holding on for dear life;

The fight isn’t over,

In failure I found glory,

in death,

I found life —

I’ll rest my bones now;

I’ll see you soon.

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Two

And I found myself plunging to deathly paradise,

While gliding into the rain.

I lost the strongness of my coffee

And was getting sick of it.

Mind is twisted,

I heard a deafening noise,

a peaceful war,

I’m almost done,

think it’s time to be silent,

felt the agony of being unable to feel,

But somehow, I remained strangely calm,

the calmness that you cannot endure,

like fully embracing the fear,

and

I

didn’t screamed at all.

Three

Liberating,

Freeing,

Alas! Being hit by reality is as much as liberating as being hit in reality.

Too bad, the word “almost” is my friend.

Almost hit.

I tried to emancipate myself from chains,

I bit the part where I was bitten,

chose my own poison,

rose from deep down under and spit on my grave.

I know that it’s a battle between two wolves inside me,

it drags me,

undresses me.

Which one will win?

Four

Six days since I’ve been away,

I let go of their chains already,

Those comforting words

—aren’t making me comfortable at all.

I undressed my fears,

Made out with loneliness that consumed me for almost thirty days.

I became dominant,

Submissive,

Until I defeated it.

Here in my bed, I taste blood in my mouth.

Smell the scent of paints that I threw last night,

Try to fix a broken string,

Tried to fix this broken wings.

It’s all or nothing,

Will you let go,

Or I’ll go?

Five

I dreamt of a lost soul,

That’s longing for a family.

Deja vu,

I saw her on a canvas,

I heard the lyrics of her existence,

I’ve read her on a book,

Before.

It took a while to notice that the girl I was looking at is me.

Those sweet and drunken eyes,

Belongs to me.

I was lost,

Still,

Lurking.

Will you find me?

Will you feel for me?

That moment I saw my reflection on the broken mirror,

I knew,

That it’s not yet my time.

Six

Do you believe in angels?

As I count from ten to zero,

I sing all my favorite songs that I might forget sooner or later,

I rewind past motion pictures in my mind; happy moments to keep, tearjerkers to see as a lesson.

I apologize for everything and everyone and tomorrow, I’ll be writing them a letter.

As I count from ten to zero,

I look at the four corners of my room and was bedazzled by the look of it.

So much colors, so much life

And yet I’m devoided.

As I count from ten to zero,

I slowly count the bruises I had upon fainting last night.

As I count from ten to zero,

I knew that someone saved me from jumping off,

I knew it was my angel,

I knew that somehow,

I still have to survive.

Seven

Right things are haunting me and it seems wrong.

People try to avoid me because I seem dangerous,

Little did they know,

I am the one in danger.

Now, I’m mastering the art of putting an end to things, before it even consume me.

‘Just one step, and you’ll be free’ the girl in the mirror said.

But a kid called me by my childhood nickname and asked if I want to stay and play.

She handed me an old familiar doll,

An old familiar clothes,

And a photograph with all smiles.

‘let’s play pretend, don’t show them the scars on your skin’

I felt like being played,

I was about to fly but I felt the chills in my bones,

A hand,

Then…

I fainted.