Six

Do you believe in angels?

As I count from ten to zero,

I sing all my favorite songs that I might forget sooner or later,

I rewind past motion pictures in my mind; happy moments to keep, tearjerkers to see as a lesson.

I apologize for everything and everyone and tomorrow, I’ll be writing them a letter.

As I count from ten to zero,

I look at the four corners of my room and was bedazzled by the look of it.

So much colors, so much life

And yet I’m devoided.

As I count from ten to zero,

I slowly count the bruises I had upon fainting last night.

As I count from ten to zero,

I knew that someone saved me from jumping off,

I knew it was my angel,

I knew that somehow,

I still have to survive.

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Naligaw Tayo Sa Gitna ng Pagbuo at Pagkasira

Huwag subuking pasukin ang mundo ko,
Huwag subuking tumingin sa repleksiyon ko,
Huwag subuking buksan ang pintuan ko,
Huwag. Huwag.
Ako na ang nagsasabi sa ‘yo.
Mabuting wala kang alam.
Nang hindi mailang,
at tuluyan kang layuan.

Binasag ko ang kanyang katahimikan habang akong kanyang binubuo sa himig na dala ang pangambang ako’y maaring magmistulang kandila sa ‘yong harapan.
Dakilang pag ibig na syang dahilan ng pagkawasak at dahilan rin ng pag silang ng isang bulaklak sa gitna ng pakikipag patintero kay kamatayan.

Mahal, kaya pa ba?

Kini-kiya ako nang kalungkutan ngayon…

Marahil hindi lingid sa kaalaman mo,

na isa rin akong piraso ng bubog na pipilas sa balat,

na isa rin akong tinik sa lalamunang hindi malunok,

na isa rin akong bulang biglang mawawala,

ngunit sinubok pa ring tumingin sa mga matang may talas.

Tulad mo’y napaliligiran rin ako ng rehas na bakal na siyang magkukulong sa ating dal’wa.

Ito ba ang ‘yong nais?

Ang malunod sa apaw na pagmamahal at malagutan ng hininga sa dagat ng pangamba,

—pangambang isa sa atin ang tangkaing tumakas?

Seven

Right things are haunting me and it seems wrong.

People try to avoid me because I seem dangerous,

Little did they know,

I am the one in danger.

Now, I’m mastering the art of putting an end to things, before it even consume me.

‘Just one step, and you’ll be free’ the girl in the mirror said.

But a kid called me by my childhood nickname and asked if I want to stay and play.

She handed me an old familiar doll,

An old familiar clothes,

And a photograph with all smiles.

‘let’s play pretend, don’t show them the scars on your skin’

I felt like being played,

I was about to fly but I felt the chills in my bones,

A hand,

Then…

I fainted.

Eight

I woke up today,

Heaving for air, healing,

I sprained my hands and my feelings,

Never thought that picking up what clothes should I wear would be as much as hard as picking up myself.

That even getting up is twice as difficult as sleeping at night.

Where my morphines at?

I’m counting down the days,

while I count on you.

Do you want me to stay just long enough to have coffee and probably,

Live another day?

Or not.

Dislocate

I dislocate my wings as I swim into the burning atmosphere,

Tried to cut my wrist,

Swallow pills,

And still feel at ease.

Should I take the risk?

Because they told me,

‘What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.’