I Don’t Have The Heart

I don’t have the heart to hurt you,

to make you fly and let you fall hard,

to lift you up and see you bedazzled by the northern lights,

and let you feel the storm afterwards.

I don’t have the heart to share your pain and make you feel that I feel the same,

now blame it on the rain and scream until you feel sane.

I don’t have the heart to make your face gleam,

for this is only a dream,

now the light in you is dim, and loving me is a sin.

You say that everything will come into the right places,

but all I know is blurry faces.

I know too well that you think you’ve finally found, after being around,

but I don’t have the heart to see you dying while you go on different way, crying.

Right from the start you should not believe,

that this is a sign of relief,

for everyone leaves and you’ll be left with no air to heave.

Maybe it’s just a manifestation,

of love that needs reciprocation,

that will leave you in frustration,

and lost in translation.

I don’t have the heart to let you see love right under your nose,

and give you flower with torn like rose.

Coz life let’s us roll like dominoes,

and leaves us like an abandoned child on the loose.

“I don’t have the heart to hurt you” she says.

and I don’t have the heart to love you.

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The Violent Reaction Of My Mind

I’m in the verge of the cliff,

I dive in to the core of my thoughts and took a dip on that icy feeling of being hollow and dead inside.

I sailed the deepest abyss of people’s minds and still cannot find myself.

If heaven and hell decides that I should be in the middle, then I’d be happy swimming in the midpoint of nowhere,

likewise my mind, it’s somewhere deep and dark and lost.

Can’t even get a hold of things I wanted coz every time I try to grip, I lose control and let it slip.

Where did I go wrong?

I’m too young to feel numb and too old to be dumb,

tell me where will I go?

I’m losing my focal point.

Can you be the eyes that will make these blurred roads straight?

I’m losing my words,

can you be the lips that conceal every imperfections of the one’s world?

Please don’t let me sell my soul to the devil,

coz it’s not a fair trade when it’s giving me his whole and I’m a glass half full.

Angels, please keep on fighting.

I’m in a battle no one could ever get in to, ‘less I let them.

Are you fighting your own demons too like me?

Are they gripping your necks harder than you ever thought?

My whole body is limp but my soul still fights,

though it crushes my bones,

though it drags me to a lonely place,

though it makes my heart a stone.

That’s the only thing I know, that I am breathing and panting and chasing breath,

while giving my spirit a chill from head to toe.

Those are the feelings when I can’t write or even speak truthful words from my system,

my honesty kills people,

and I don’t want them dead.

Those are the things in my mind when my heart fails to function.

give me something to fuel my word engine,

please save me from drowning,

this is the battle that I don’t want to lose.