Four letters, one word. Love is the greatest thing you’ll ever have. It gives technicolor to your life. You may not see it but you can feel it. It is not always about finding the right one through their physique but it is about merging your hearts and minds as one. It is about getting into somebody’s soul and accepting it as yours.
In my case, I am prepping up for a world domination LOL. I don’t think I can find someone who would accept me and deal with my roller coaster mind. I can be an introvert and an extrovert sometimes (it depends on my mood). Sometimes, I’m like a clown who hides her real identity with thick layer of make up. Forcing myself to smile at things I don’t really understand, even though it breaks me inside. A smile like joker keeps me going even if somebody’s being creep out. I don’t really like what is happening inside me but part of me is telling it is what makes me.
At school, I am socially awkward but not really LMAO. I can deal with people if I have to and I can ignore people if I want to. (Like I said, it all depends on my mood). I don’t really like other people bugging me, ironically, I am an officer so they will definitely ask me certain things. I hate when boys who are overprotective to me like I was born yesterday. There’s a thin line between being a gentleman and a freak (ugh. alienating myself again).
I don’t understand girls sometimes when they are over reacting about things they can’t really change or they can’t get over with. (at one point, why am I really annoyed when I, myself are over fan-girling about bands and certain things too? how ironic). People don’t understand me most of the time. Why do they always call me weird when everybody’s a weird creature too (i mean we have our own differences right?). They don’t get me, I don’t get them too.
I always have anxiety and I can always have time to meditate. You know… by painting, sketching (or other things that include art), playing my Taylor (my guitar), or writing anything. I always have my remedy inside my room, I like being alone and yeah, I am a lone hunter. I don’t go out usually but if I do, I’m always alone. I rarely have companion with me when I go to places. (hoping that someone would make an effort to be with me and listen to what i will say *sigh* and like i said, as if…) I only have my journal and my extra book with me plus music player. Sometimes, I leave my phone at home so no one can contact me while having my Me-time.
Somebody told me, I should let go of everything and be in love. I told that person, “I can’t. I’m not capable of falling in love”. Because this world is crazy and I’m the only one living and loving the craze. I just feel like, no one would ever want to be with a psycho by nature like me, a nut, a goner and a mad girl like me. I feel like I’m going to be a spinster ugh. I am day dreaming today (at this very moment 6:12 pm) thinking about the things that may happen to me in the future.
Can somebody save me from drowning with thoughts?