Diary of a Weirdo 2.0

I always look at the people around me at school and sometimes, I don’t understand them as much as they don’t understand me like yeah, we all have differences…

I entered school like it was the first day again. Cliche’s things made me nostalgic like the rusting air conditioning unit in our room, wooden chairs and of course plaques and awards given to our college. Same old faces flashed in my face as I enter the room. But something’s odd about them. I’m guessing if that is their new clothes, I mean revealing clothes that tells people who they are? The vulgar way of telling people they don’y like them by sarcasms? The thin line between fear and respect? The messy room that everyone hates yet they don’t clean up? or the system that they claims to be fucked up? I don’t know where can I put myself inside the room. Should I blend in and demise coz I was already eaten up by the system? or should I distance myself and look different as f**k? If I’m gonna ask you if would you rather be a friendless loser or a person who has tons of friends who secretly hates you, would you choose the answer that is best suits you or just go with the flow? People tend to hate things which aren’t in favor to them and funny how people easily judge others without knowing them. It’s like I am living in a world where wolves eat and kill their own kind for their own sake.

The next day, Shinister called me and she’s ranting about why people tend to say “Bida bida” or simply showing off when you are being good at anything you do. (I can’t tell her that it is about insecurity or whatsoever. Maybe because you are being so conceited that people misinterpret it into being just confident.) I told her that it is a sign of immaturity. (actually I don’t really know) and she has nothing to do with it. People will do everything just to be on top. That’s our nature whether we admit it or not. (although I don’t know exactly how other people feel) We strive to be the best in every way we know and can. We always think that we are on top of everyone coz we always keep in mind the “EDGE THINGY” among the people we know. We don’t really know how people feel about something and someone. Sometimes, if you are good and responsible in class, you are that one person they should avoid coz it’s so not cool to be studying and doing your thing while other people are having a good time (well i guess not all of us lol). If you show kindness to other people you are being too plastic because they think that you don’t need to be friends with everyone (well they are right but showing kindness isn’t the deal with being friends with everyone. It’s all about being interactive). If you befriended the person that you bestfriend hates, you aren’t a real friend and if you still talk with your ex, they’ll think that you’re still into them like *Why can’t you just see us as an individual with no relationship or something?*

It’s easy for us to judge but we are too blind to see our own flaws. We do things that can cover up our mistakes and do everything to protect our pride. Sometimes, what is good for you won’t be good for some people because you aren’t them and you won’t be. If we see someone who is better than us, we tend to do every thing just to break them but the truth is, it’s insecurity, inferiority and hatred that drives us to dislike something or someone. It’s funny how people, I mean people like me spit some words to hurt others. They say it’s being real and not being an ass. But that simple word can drive a person mad. I think it’s good to be honest but what if the person you seriously had a one-on-one talk have inferiority? Not all people can handle everything that was thrown at them but then again, we can’t really understand everything so we just have to accept things as they are. We can be honest without being an ass. We can be great if we just accept that in this world, imperfection’s the center and if we just don’t blame other people for having different perspectives that sometimes opposes you. Just accept that what others think of you is not a thing you should worry about. Remember, as I said above, imperfection is what makes us. You cannot make people change their views just because you see something different about them. (Just because people are different doesn’t make them less of a person). But in the end, it’s always a matter of choice. If being what you are is what makes you happy and satisfied then so be it. Bad or good is just labels because even if they think that you’re being an ass for being yourself, it’s a matter of choice if you’ll believe them or feel good about yourself coz you are good at what you are doing.

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Hey mister!

It feels like there’s a chain. A large chain binding my feet. I can’t move, step backward either forward. There is a lightning that strikes my whole body and a feeling of butterflies in my stomach is really making my whole soul freeze. I was frozen at the moment you walk passed me. Your perfume smells like the smell of victory lingering in the air when the first man in moon puts their flag into it. Kinda like i used to feel when my mom gives me candy cane whenever I got three stars in kindergarten class. It’s like the first tike I saw the world. Your eyes’ like heaven, a place to die. Your smile is the first thing I see in the morning and the last thing on my mind at midnight. No one can deny that this is love. So mister mister, won’t you stay for a while.

He got the brains, the talent and he’s a gentleman. He’s a bad-ass in some ways but he has a heart. He got that swag and I like it. He’s so good to be true and just because I don’t look back doesn’t mean I never looked at you. You’re not perfect but by just one smile, you made my day complete. Yeah those smiles aren’t the best I’ve ever seen but it must’ve been heaven sent. How I wish your smile belongs to me.

I’ve found out that your favorite song was the one I loved the most. I never knew you can play guitar but one thing’s for sure, you have captured me, my heart and my whole. What is it about you the makes my mind fly and my heart fall? Oh boy, Look at me. Look me in the eyes. You never notice how you stop and stare whenever you pass by. You bewitched me. Let me love you, let me hold you. Mister, won’t you stay for a while and meet me halfway.

I saw you sitting on the corner, with your headphones on and your usual black shirt. I couldn’t help but notice all the things you do. Thise siple things you do. Your smile’s the sweetest and I want to be the reason behind those smile. I hate it when you’re actually in front of me and I know you’ll never be mine. I’m like a shadow who’s with you everywhere you go. Wishing that someday you’ll be my hero and i’ll be your kryptonite. We’re so close yet so far. I am just here and you we’re there. We’re like billion lightyears apart. so many times I walked pass you and you didn’t even notice me at all. I’ve done a lot of stupid things in life but for you, stupidity is nothing. I’ll be the best damn fool for you, a special kind of stupid. Until that one day, you’ll notice I exist…

 

This is a repost from my other blogsite and I reposted this coz I love reminiscing the past like it was just yesterday. Hope you’ll forgive me for posting this again but I really do have a heart, really… I have loved somebody like this before but it was wasted and now, I just don’t know what to do with my life. Until that one day of my plain school hours came. There’s a bazaar inside the mall and they are offering notes and journals in such cute designs. So I bought one and started writing again after a long time of being stuck in the moment where that person left me hanging like a sticky pizza in the ceiling (LOL Pizza) so there you go…

Seasons

Rain washes away the shore,

but tears washes away nothing.

Then the water runs dry,

and so does my eyes stops to cry.

Facing the other side of the sun,

finding all the feelings gone.

Tearing away those walls of fears,

and promised never again tears.

A gush of wind made my skin shiver,

and realized it gives a flush of fever.

For all we know it’s the time for white coat,

where everyone warm themselves in black coal.

The fine ambiance of eternal spring

fills my heart joy from what it brings

Realizing another season has passed,

but the memory of it, forever will it last.

I made this while I’m in the verge of my insanity and wondering about how seasons change in other countries and how it can affect my feelings. I asked myself why do we only have two seasons here in our country but it wasn’t really a question for me to answer. It’s just that i have so many questions inside my mind that made me somehow insane.