A Question of Faith

Junes 26, 2015 around 6:30 – 7:00. My friend and I was about to go home when someone called us. At first we were hesitant to go back because we do not trust people nowadays until we heard him say “Sharing of words of God”. So we went back doubtfully. He asked us, “Do you believe in God? Do you love God” then we both said yes. “Did you go to church last Sunday?” he asked. I said No because i had to beat the deadline of my homework and my friend said yes. He said, pertaining to me “I’m not going to ask you because you might have no answer to my next question”. It’s like what do you mean? But i let that passed anyway. So he asked my friend if what is the Gospel last Sunday. My friend replied, “Uhm, I forgot but I remember the Homily” then he replied with some undistinguished look on his face “You said that you love God but you didn’t even know the words he said last Sunday. Let me ask you another thing, Which is more important? The words that God personally said or the words that the priest said? My friend said, God. “Is your heart there at the mass? Does homily more important than what god really said in the Gospel?” I don’t know why but his questions are so irritating to me. I saw my friend’s brow went up. Then the man said “I am a Catholic. Same as both of you. That’s the thing we’ve noticed about the Catholic church. They are lacking of things like this (pertaining to what they are doing right now) What we’re doing is a charity for the both of you. We want you to be open and have deeper knowledge about God. The priest is only one in you expect them to talk yo people like this… one by one? We are a representatives of God, and we are here to spread his words” I really want to speak up because i really don’t know what to feel at that very moment. I was thinking that the priest is also a Representative of God and based on what he is asking, he is saying that we should disregard the priest because the gospel is more important. I was thinking if we should not pay equal attention to the Gospel and homily, and if he is saying that it was only a priest then why the hell are we talking with him? If the priest should be less prioritize then who is he. So was him. He repeated what he said earlier “I am a Catholic like you. Where do you think you will go when you died?” My friend said, “in heaven” and likewise my friend, i also said in heaven. Then he asked us again, “Have you ever made sin?” we both said yes. Of course we’re just human. “Then he said “Do you think sinners could go to heaven?” i was like what kind of question is that? My face turned red and as i saw my friend’s face turned red too. I said “God said that even the most sinful sinner cold go to heaven if he just come to him, ask forgiveness and repent.” He replied to me “Let me just give you an example. If you killed somebody, and you tell the truth in the court, will they set you free? No, right?” my sight went black and i was not in the good condition to answer all the things he asked and said. My friend is the one answering it because she noticed me being impaled by the things I’ve heard. It was like how dare him to question my own faith. He added “If you really love God then you will spend time for him and no single reason. Do you know the address of Heaven and the address of Hell?” we said no. Then he told us, we cannot explain it to you deeper so I am asking you to come with us, in our place at ******* manila and we will do our best to help you. Can’t you imagine, of all the people that is here, you were called to listen to us. This is a blessing. This is god’s calling to you. It’s your choice and we are not recruiting. We are Marians and we do this for charity. I am a representative of God, and I want to help you.” after he said that, a women came and speak to us. Well she more like comforting us because she saw that our faces are pale. I can’t remember what she said but all i can recall is she repeated what the man had said. It is they are not recruiting and it was just an offer. My friend said, “our family, our parents are waiting for us to be home” the man said, interrupting what my friend has to say “who is your original parents? It is God right? then why don’t you spend a little time with God and come with us? Maybe God has something to say to you. Maybe tomorrow you won’t see us again and that will become your problem.” The woman is always smiling as if encouraging us to come with them. The man added “I am a representative of God and if you decline this, then you will declined God also.” my friend’s tears are falling because it cuts really deep. Our conscience are eating us and then my friend said “My conscience is bugging me, it was like you were saying that if we declined you, we will declined God also. Are you telling us that if we do not come with you, we do not love God?” i stare at the spaces between his eyes and then stare directly in his eyes with blank expression. I was shaking inside because of my conscience, guilt, and anger for that person. The woman beside him said, okay for the last time, what will you do? are you gonna come with us? yes or no. If yes, we would be glad to bring you to our place and talk about God and if no, you’re free to go.” my friend said “No, because my parents is waiting for us to go home and you are a total stranger and you are expecting us to come with you and…” once again she was interrupted by that man. “No excuses, you said no” and the woman ask me then i said “I’m sorry” with a loud sigh. The man looks mad. I knew it. It was hidden behind his calmness. “One day, you will realized how much you’ve lost. It might not be given to you like a solid answer but sometimes in your dreams. If one day you will get to meet God and he will ask you what did you do to his calling, i will be there beside God and say you declined it. If you dream that one day you need help and you will be looking or us, it’s a problem and if we didn’t hear nor pay attention, that’s your bigger problem” and i asked them if i could do what we always do at Youth, the woman said yes and the man didn’t replied. I do a sign of the cross at their forehead, a symbol of respect and wishing their safety. The man gave us a blank but mad look and then we walked away. My friend and I became pale and our energies drained. We don’t really know what to say and do that’s why we just stay quiet the whole ride. Something came to my mind, it is if they don’t really recruit and if that’s only an offer then why do get the feeling of them, making us feel guilty about what we’ve done, about declining their offer. I still don’t get it why do they have to question my faith. I know God. I love God and I will always be his follower. They have no right to tell me my faith or what i believed in is not right.

photo source: en.paperblog.com
photo source: en.paperblog.com
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Bitter Irony of my life

Once upon a time, in the middle of finding yourself, love gives us a fairy tale. which will make us see things differently. Makes us quiver, and the butterflies in our stomach makes us down on our knees. Loves makes the world go round and sometimes it gets us high until we are love drunk.

Sometimes it doesn’t turns out the way you expect it. Sometimes, what you think is good for you maybe not to others. Sometimes,it turns out better, or worst. Loving you is like eating piece of cherry pie. When it is newly baked, it is good. But when you left it at the table, it rottens and becomes forgotten.

Falling in love is like giving someone a gun and letting them point it at your heart, but trusting them not to pull the trigger… But he pulled the trigger then shoot me right after I gave my heart to him and the pain that the bullet brought to my veins is not so much to kill me yet not too little to let me live.

The worst is that you’re smiling just to prevent the tears from falling and there’s that occasional night where you just break down and cry. Coz you know that no matter what, you can never bring back what’s been said and done.

Rain washes away the sand, showers washes away the trenches but tears washes away nothing. I can’t decide whether I care or not on how much he hurts me to the point where I am so numb to know if i care or not. I don’t know what’s wrong and i don’t know how to explain it, They say it’s not the fall that kills you, it’s the sudden stop. and the sad thing is, I can’t wait to hit the ground.

If I could find the days that went away, destroying the cruelty of fate, I must believe that love could find a way, I must believe that there is happy ending and I must believe in you and me.

Maybe I can find you down this broken line. Maybe you can find me, we’ll never know. Maybe in our next lifetime.

But what goes around, comes around. and you don’t hurt me, you don’t hurt me no more.

He has so much plan for us. We just have to trust in him, the one who is up there. God knows. He can only tell what will be our fate.

Goodbyes are not forever. So see you later then…

Diary of a Weirdo

I’ve always been a fan of the phrase (been there; done that). Well I always think I know about that, about this and about everything I ought to know. Probably I was wrong, I am just eighteen and my knowledge about this planet isn’t enough to understand why people do things I don’t actually get. (Sometimes, I can’t even understand myself also LMAO) I don’t get it why people look at things which pisses them off then keep on looking and actually they don’t really realize that by just looking at those, their piss off level increases to 99.9%. Another, why do guys do one single nice thing for us girls and think we owe them our entire existence? Hello, the only thing we owe you is a thank you okay. Isn’t it ironic how ex’ always go after people they told you to never worry about when y’all were together? You know what? there’s just that awkward moment when people think they’re funny but they’re just annoying? Some people think they have haters lol. I hate to say this but dude, you don’t have haters, people just don’t like you. Please get over yourself. You know what I hate the most? It is when I have to be nice to people I really wanna throw a brick at, My face hurt for trynna make you think I like you. LMAO. And you know what else? People who tell you you’re DIRTY MINDED but first and foremost how did they understand what I just say? Kill me now ahkay!

Whenever Im at school, I always look at random things people do like stalking their crushes (I do that but not too obvious, but sometimes i am really obvious), applying make up (I do this thing but atleast not in public or everywhere), girls who shout and scream to get attention (Fuck off), guys who always put perfumes (it’s like toxic dude, stop it). People has always got something to say (I am human lol) Whenever I see someone doing things I hate, My face turns into red and I was thinking how to execute them. Seriously, I really wanna get out of that place where I see people I hate before I could do something bad about them. I was just kidding but sometimes I just wanna spank them and tell them to go away and sometimes, I wonder what people thinks of me. Is it good or just like what I think about them? But whatever it is, I just hope they’re not planning to kill me like what I am thinking lol.

weirdo-zone

Please insert title…

Two people may fall in love with each other but sometimes one gets up and walk away while the other one is still on the ground. You know what sucks about falling in love? It is the fact that nothing last forever. Everything has an end. They say true love is worth fighting for, but if it’s true then why should we have to fight for it?The truth is, I am still holding on to memories. Wait, should I call it memory if the only thing he gave to e is pain? Yes there are some happy mem’ries but the agony, the insecurity, the pride ad the ego covers it up. As if one is to ten. Out of ten percent, there is only one good memory.

Seasons have changed, time passes by but my life is not moving forward. I mean there’s no changes at all. I am still stuck in my past and I hate to say it but it’s awfully true. I’m never the same. I don’t want to go back to that innocent naive girl who let other people look at me with pitiful. I will never be the same. Most of the time I wanna be alone. I’m the girl who run her own world and do things my way. You can’t blame me, I don’t need false sympathies.

I am a girl. I am a human being. Capable of loving and feeling pain. Once in a while, right in the middle of an ordinary life, love gives us fairytale. I am a typical teenager who always fall for the wrong guy. See, I straightens or curls my hair. Everything. I do everything just to be noticed by my one and only crush. Before I go to school, I make sure that my lips are hydrated with glosses, my eyes have eye liners and I make sure that I smell good every time. Take one last look in the mirror then I’m ready to go.

In my eyes, he is everything, but in his eyes, I’m just another fan in the crowd. Love is a big word. Although it has only four letters, it still surrounds the world. Why am I being like this? I hate it when you are actually in front of me and I can barely speak. I wish my heart could speak for me.

Cupid’s stupid. He threw samurai to me instead of arrow of love.

Stupid is Forever
Stupid is Forever

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